You get to decide how you come out, that’s up to you. If safety or privacy or feelings are a concern, then it’s totally valid to put some distance between you.

As a parent, I’d probably rather a paper letter than email. An email feels kind of impersonal. Also if they’re like my parents, they rarely check their inbox. Not knowing if they’ve read it and chose not to acknowledge it versus just not having seen it - that’s a recipe for anxiety, personally

It’s okay to come out via email.

my personal recommendation would be: instead of saying “i am a woman”, say something like “i would like to be a woman, and it would make me really happy if you can support me with that”. because

• the 1st thing confuses people if they’ve never read all these philosophy literature that many of you have probably read.
• while the 2nd thing is nice, personal, and directly asks them what to do. so it’s less confusing.

I came out via email and I’m fine. You coming out is for you, not for them. It can happen however you feel comfortable.

It is definitely okay to do it in an email.

There are also other ways to do it:

• Talking with them (the one you don’t want)
• Writing an email
• Writing a letter
• Writing a letter and giving them to read, while you are there

Whatever you choose is okay. There are definitely other ways I’m not thinking about right now.

I was pretty sure my parents would be accepting and it was still difficult to say. I’m certain that is even more difficult if you don’t necessarily expect them to react well.

Good luck

It’s fine. I had to use text messaging for several people because I knew they would react poorly and would need time to let it sink in.

I came out via email to the majority of the folks that i told. Of the people that replied to that email, only 1 family member was negative… He said that what i was doing was “gutsy”, said he would use my new name but not my pronouns. So far i havn’t had to deal with that person and i made a decision at that time not to respond. Unfortunately he may show up here next month with his siblings. The only plan i can think of is to avoid confronting him unless he makes a huge deal out of misgendering me. At least his siblings make a half assed attempt. Family can be the worst people wrt transitioning sadly.

But it was way easier dealing with that rejection because it wasn’t to my face. And who knows, maybe he changed his mind. Lol.

Tldr email good. I used a text message for a close friend i hadnt spoken with in years and now we are in regular contact again and she has been so crucial and very supportive.

I hope that however you decide to come out that you will find those who will fully be an ally.

💜

If, for whatever reason, you want to make coming-out in person work, you could consider inviting them for dinner or to a café to not have “too many people around”. Or come out to your siblings first, possibly ensuring you their support when coming out to your parents. In any case, I have noticed that it helps to have supportive people around, so maybe bring a friend or some. If those you come out to are overwhelmed and don’t know how to react, seeing how your supportive friends behave towards you gives them guidance.

I can’t speak about coming out to family via text, but if it helps, here’s my coming out email at work:

Nobody explicitly commented on it, but the subject gave me a smile for quite some days. Especially as it’s sets up a wrong expectation about what the email entails and as the message body itself doesn’t even mention gender or pronouns.

However, I can imagine that parents might be less nonchalant about implying you’re becoming a parent, when you’re not. So maybe choose not to do that.

its ok to come out to your family via email. im planning to come out to my parents over text for similar reasons. theyre conservative and i dont think i can say the words out loud to them, let alone in the same room as them. its fucking terrifying to tell them so anything you can do to make it easier is totally cool. if they or anyone else gets butthurt over the method, well they were probably going to get butthurt no matter what so fuck them. at least the information will get to them.

I came out to most of my family via either email or text. It’s less personal, sure, but it allows you to choose your words a little more deliberately. It also means you don’t have to wait until your schedules align to tell them, which was my issue.

None of them expressed any concern about the medium. The content was what mattered.

I’m not queer, just an ally with a trans son, but there aren’t any rules here. Yes, it’s often considered a courtesy to discuss important, relationship-relevant issues (like a breakup) face-to-face, but there are all sorts of reasons why some people don’t. At the end of the day, this one is about you, not your family, and you should do what works best for yourself.

You got male! 50/50 chance this is funny. Do what you want. Hail Satan

On email, hell no.
Via mail, maybe.
By text, hell no.
By proxy, yes yes.

This message has been brought to you AFN Europe.