“If at first you don’t succeed, try again.” “Winners never quit and quitters never win.”

Our culture has a lot of sayings against quitting, making it seem like a failure. But sometimes, abandoning a goal means opening up space for something better.

By NPR.

  • I_Has_A_Hat@lemmy.world
    2·
    2 days ago

    Yea! Just quit! It will all work out!

    Even if you’re the only one providing for your household! If you lose your job, you can just rely on social safety nets- oh…

    Well for a few months you can just rely on your savings- oh…

    Well at least the job market is- oh…

  • Flagstaff@programming.devEnglish
    16·
    3 days ago

    This is alarmingly toxic justification for my chronic-fatigue, disabled friend who insists on never starting anything (as in, applying for one job a month is hard, to give you an idea of the danger of this kind of mindset). Surely there is a balance to be had somewhere, but these comics are for generally normal people with average levels of energy and motivation. This is dangerous content for people who are already unmotivated and near-suicidal.

    • PotatoesFall@discuss.tchncs.de
      4·
      2 days ago

      The advice also doesn’t feel super useful to me with ADHD. I’ve quit degrees and jobs on a whim. I could use advice on how to finish something for fucking once lol

      • Monument@piefed.worldEnglish
        3·
        2 days ago

        The advice is that you have to.

        Dramatically stated: You have to or you are going to die.
        (Disclaimer: Not from this, probably, but eventually. And if you don’t do this, by the time you die, then you won’t have done it. You’ll have missed the opportunity.)

        Your body doesn’t make dopamine the way neurotypical bodies do. You won’t get satisfaction from the usual motivators. Create your own satisfaction by taking the time to think about how doing something will increase satisfaction. Give it at least 20 seconds. The taps on the neurotransmitters take a bit to warm up. Maybe take a few moments to savor the same thing at different times to reinforce and remind yourself why doing things is worth it.
        Focus on what’s achievable, and what small actions you can take to get there. Don’t get mired in thought, but instead give your effort to the actions you can take. Don’t compare your progress to others.

        I also often “Forrest Gump” myself through things when it starts to feel like a slog. ‘I’ve come this far. I might as well keep going.’
        This is easier for things that have an endpoint, like a degree or long project. You can’t unwind time that you’ve spent on something, but can waste that time by not finishing. Not finishing offers way less dopamine than finishing.

    • dohpaz42@lemmy.worldMEnglish
      11·
      3 days ago

      What you describe resonates with me deeply because I have been suffering a lot of what your friend seems to be going through now: depression, anxiety, burnout. They feed into each other and are very debilitating disorders. I hope your friend finds their life preserver and can hang in there.

      ~PS. All content is dangerous content to depressed and suicidal people.~

    • JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.socialEnglish
      3·
      2 days ago

      This is alarmingly toxic justification for my chronic-fatigue, disabled friend who insists on never starting anything

      As someone with clinical CFS/ME which has effectively ruined my chances at a ‘traditional’ life (school career, job career, hanging on to relationships, starting a family), I find the above misses much of the point.

      While you’re right that ideally and arguably it’s intended for ‘normal-energy’ people, I think that in fact it applies to almost everyone in life. That is, in this game of life we all need to pursue the things we can, while being cautious of toxic-overpursuing. That can apply to CFS/ME and other sufferers equally accurately as it can to the mean, or the ideal.

      This is dangerous content for people who are already unmotivated and near-suicidal.

      I think the reverse could equally be argued, and argued better. If you read through the comic again I think you’ll find that in no way, shape or form is it attempting to say ‘don’t even bother trying; just give up now.’ And that to me displays the toxic old thought process of “winners never quit and quitters never win.”

      • Flagstaff@programming.devEnglish
        2·
        2 days ago
        1. To be fair, the friend I speak of has only been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, not specifically CFS, though I wonder if CFS may be a better fit for them, or could be comorbid.

        2. we all need to pursue the things we can

        My friend would be disgusted by this line of thought and would say, “I already have put more than my all and look where it got me: nowhere. It’s clearly better to just not try and suffer more.” I’ve wrestled over and over again over this with them, though I know there are definitely multiple mental disorders and paper-thin skin going on with them as well.

        1. If you read through the comic again I think you’ll find that in no way, shape or form is it attempting to say ‘don’t even bother trying; just give up now.’

        I never said that it is attempting to say that; I said (or implied, sorry) that people like my friend will indubitably (mis)interpret it that way. All I’m saying is that I believe this sort of comic could backfire in an ironically terrible way if it so strongly pushes anti-burnout. It is really quite well-made otherwise, certainly.

        I’m sorry you have to deal with CFS. I can only imagine how tough that must be.

        • JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.socialEnglish
          3·
          2 days ago

          My friend would be disgusted by this line of thought and would say, “I already have put more than my all and look where it got me: nowhere.

          Toxic / useless thinking alert! IMO, the above, unhealthy thinking is like treating such things as binary accomplishments, and that’s a pretty massive mistake upon such matters.

          For example, does your friend need to pee in the night? Well, that can be a real problem for us Myalgic encephalomyelitis crowd. I.e. rousing ourselves from that state can be pretty weird on its own, with plenty of chances to slip and bonk oneself upside the cranium, making for the bathroom. But also, toddling off to the WC when one has naturally poor balance (from sleep and fatigue) can present some further precarious situations. Welcome to the CFS/ME world, Flaggie.

          So here’s a real-world example of what Annie (and I) am saying-- you don’t have to fight such unnecessary battles, merely for decorum’s sake! I.e., please DO surrender upon such useless matters, quit that nonsense, and get yourself a dang ol’ chamber pot, yeah?

          • Flagstaff@programming.devEnglish
            1·
            2 days ago

            Hey, I agree with you. I’m saying I know for sure that that’s exactly how they’ll react, and I’m well aware that it’s toxic. I’ve been trying to change their mind for literal years and I’m at the brink of giving up because it’s been like smashing my head against a brick titanium wall. All I’m saying is that there are people who I would absolutely not send these comics to because it’d exacerbate their struggles, for as long as they have their current mindset, anyway.

            Yes, this friend has also been diagnosed as autistic and thinks way too binary, and just keeps going back to this all-or-nothing/nuclear mindset despite me doing my best to change that… It’s been absolutely aggravating and I think I just need to pull back.

            • JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.socialEnglish
              1·
              2 days ago

              Huh, okay.
              Sorry for my rudeness.
              I’m not such a happy person these days, but…
              that’s not your problem.

              Sorry bout that, mate.

              • Flagstaff@programming.devEnglish
                3·
                2 days ago

                Oh, I didn’t think it was rude; just a small misunderstanding at worst. I’m glad we’re on the same page. I really hope that I can get them to think in fewer black-&-white ways as you have achieved, because recognizing smaller wins or steps on the zigzag path to stability could be the biggest booster to their quality of life!

  • limelight79@lemmy.world
    7·
    2 days ago

    Really interesting.

    I was pretty burned out on my job for many reasons. I still love the underlying task and miss it, but a lot of things had built up to make doing that task extremely frustrating. I knew I was burned out, for example, in meetings, I struggled to stay focused.

    But I couldn’t quit, I needed the money. I put in a few applications but nothing panned out. 7 years to retirement, and I had no idea how I was going to make it.

    Then the company offered early retirements with buyouts. Tomorrow will be one year since I officially retired.

    I took a job in a bike shop repairing bikes. I still do it, but it wasn’t enough money, so I also got into real estate photography. I turned two things I love into new careers. With the pension, I’m making it work.

  • JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.socialEnglish
    5·
    3 days ago

    By Connie Hanzhang Jin and Marielle Segarra

    Good stuff that everyone should keep in mind, and also something that will probably ruffle some feathers from the ‘double-down’ crowd.

    So… Annie Duke the poker player? Haven’t heard her name in years.