A good therapist can feel like they’re reading your mind.
Emotional intelligence isn’t the only skill involved in that, still a big part of it.
I read this graph also as in “you need to change” and “i can’t change you”, understanding you can’t control anyone else can give you great amounts of inner peace.
I had an opportunity to socialize with some young people recently and the one thing that struck me the most was how far ahead the girls were in social skill and maturity.
I don’t think this has anything to do with sex difference or nature. I think that girls are simply expected to pay attention to other people and boys aren’t.
I don’t exempt myself, I was a solipsistic goblin at that age.
Maybe. I’ve always heard that women mature more quickly than men. Certainly women hit puberty earlier. Its very hard to sus out the differences from nature and nurture.
The 2 often feed off each other too. E.g. men are slightly stronger than women, on average. Men are then expected to take on the strong protector role, while women are expected to act weak and subservient. This amplifies the original slight difference massively, reinforcing the social stereotype.
Women seem to have a preference for cooperation, with their ranking within the group mattering most. Men seem to err towards intergroup competition, where your teams ranking matters most. These necessitate different types of social skills, which feeds the stereotype, which feeds the original difference.
Men being slightly stronger on average than women has a LOT to do with culture.
When I was a kid, girls weren’t even allowed to do the same calisthenics in school. There was severe social opprobrium for women doing strength training, learning martial arts, etc.
This is one of the things about the patriarchy, the things it enforces are seen as natural. Women are put in clothes that limit their mobility, beauty standards demand frailness, etc.
It’s also an unfortunate fact that testosterone makes it a LOT easier to put on muscle mass. A good chunk of men don’t take advantage of it, but the biology still holds. It’s also worth noting that men are on average taller than women. Our volume of muscle is often bigger to start with.
My wife does quite a bit more strength based exercise than I do. The force multiplier on my exercise however means I can easily out power her, when it comes to brute strength.
It’s worth noting however that a lot of the initial strength gain of exercise isn’t muscle increase, but better control. Both men and women can increase this, fairly evenly. The difference tells most once that caps out.
The high end of height, upper body strength and mass, sprinting speed, etc definitely favors higher-test systems. .
But I remember reading an ethnography of a Chinese village in the early days of the PRC, when they were still basically living the Imperial-peasant lifestyle.
Women there at the time of writing were not generally esteemed as beautiful slender luxury possessions, but instead for virtues such as their ability to carry heavy loads on a yoke, and the male/female strength split was not nearly that big.
We don’t need to live in a society where we assume that “generic man” is assumed to have an essential advantage in physical combat over “generic woman”. That’s a choice.
As a counter example, I remember listening to a radio interview with a woman who accidentally joined a boxing gym, and decided to roll with it. Even after 3 years training, it apparently took new men about 6 weeks to blast past her in strength.
And jumping back to my earlier comment. Societies tend to amplify differences. Men are stronger, so are expected to do jobs requiring strength. This, in turn leads to stronger men, reinforcing the stereotype.
In short, there’s not much baseline difference between men and women. There are however differences. Societies and cultures often amplify them, particularly when it improves division of labour. In an agrarian society they might not be able to afford the split, so the situation you read about plays out. Men can’t afford to powerhouse, while women need to pick up significant physical labour.
I trained shotokan for a bit having come from a gridiron/rugby background, and there were some exercises (like ring-out shoving exercises) where I was a laughable mismatch with anybody else in the room. One of the trainers was a woman that I had 35cm and 50kg on, if she tried to square up, it would have been hopeless.
But strength isn’t all of it. There was another three-step positional sparring exercise, and that one trainer tied me into knots every time. I wouldn’t have been able to touch her in a real fight, and she would have popped my kidney like a balloon every time.
I’m mostly pissed off about stuff like amateur rugby and field hockey not letting trans women compete. In sports like that, at the pro level, the top team would be all men no question.
But for a bunch of random people in their 20s playing amateur rugby? Piff, the safety/dominance issue is really overblown.
Grew up in a world where girls were only expected to be more mature than boys.
Nah. Girls tend* (and this is doing the heavyweight championship of this sentence) to be naturally more empathetic from my PoV, which coupled with actually faster develepoment and higher expectation of maturity produces the “mature and empathetic” image of girls. Also noticed back then that girls were more social oriented than guys. Guys got together to do a thing, meanwhile girls were fine just sitting around and talking.
* Half or more girls I met growing up still escaped this in varying degree, but baseline tendency was still higher than in boys where this was exceptional.
Although, all in all, it’s all based on personal experience so I may be way off the mark.
Emotional intelligence helps with reading emotional climate but is terrible for emotional weather.
“Use your big girl words”
I noticed that too. Someone had a fight I reckon.
This user pulls memes from Reddit for reposting. I don’t think this was a personal remark from them. Just regurgitating it from elsewhere.
I truly enjoy the simplicity of your comments and the ease at which it unravels the select few.
<3
Is the joke that you’re not communicating and expect us to read your mind, as referenced in the original post?
That’s the title, yes
Indeed!
That’s a job search portal.
It is that as well :)
Oh, what a delightful thread, and started so sublimely. You are Monet. <3
It sure spurred conversation, didn’t it?
Why did you repeat the title?
Because they wanted to try and make a point about something but it didn’t get the attention they wanted so now they’re back pedaling and trying to say there was no point or that nobody will listen to their point (despite being directly asked what the point was)
Communication, hilariously, is not their strong suit it seems
I never said there wasn’t a point to my comment.
I’m also not going to indulge in allowing y’all to dogpile me. My comment wasn’t misandrist.
My comment wasn’t misandrist.
Care to elaborate?
You should try reading their mind instead /s
I have explained the intentions behind my initial comment.
The line from that scene is “be a lot cooler if you did”. I was mostly being silly, but also a little bit serious, saying it’d be cooler if you were being misandrist
Thank you! I couldn’t remember the line from this screenshot.
My guess is not exactly the same; it’s that they’ve made the point they really mean many times, so by now they’re bored of typing it out. Maybe they in fact expect people to understand the point they intend even though they haven’t made it, based on people agreeing with them already, or having seen their posts already.
Well sadly I’m not a mind reader, so…
Damn, could’ve fooled me with how confidently incorrect you are about me.
It was a conversation starter about the gendered language. I wasn’t accusing OP of anything nor demonizing them for it though.
I wasn’t accusing OP of anything
I am. I didn’t read the title before popping into the post and only realized it after you posted it. I assumed it was generally about communication, but OP made the choice of not only gendering the conversation, but infantilizing the “strawgirl” in their head with it.
It’s especially rich because if there a gender that struggles with communicating their needs and desires it’s overwhelmingly, empirically, men. Any projection of “mind reading” is likely because they lack the emotional intelligence to comprehend something that’s been told to them multiple times to the point of the partner going non-verbal when it happens again.
OK. For the record I couldn’t tell whether you were actually talking about gendered language or something I was missing. I do also think when you purposefully say very little, inevitably people will make assumptions about what you “really meant” whether that’s justified or not. Which I appreciate is annoying.
I wasn’t sure myself why the title was gendered the way it was in relation the image. I still haven’t figured out the connection there amongst all the accusations of misandry being thrown at me.
Thanks.
If I had to guess (lots of guessing) it’s like supposed to be a light-hearted expression like “big girl pants”
Does it matter at this point? Y’all have decided what my comment meant.
I have a guess at what your comment meant but find guessing at people’s meanings error-prone and leads to pointless aggro when you can just ask them.
(Inviting people to guess at your meaning, by being deliberately vague or declining to clarify, I find similarly to lead to pointless aggro)
I would’ve been open to discussion about it earlier, that’s one of the reasons I left the comment to begin with. But I’m not dumb and I can see how this is going to go in the comment section from the reaction I’ve received for a single comment that hadn’t been dissected yet.
I’m so disappointed to see the weird reactive hatred for women (and the gaslighting about it regardless of how obvious it is!) is not exclusive to reddit threads. It didn’t even used to be so prevalent on reddit either back in the day (although the objectification did use to be way worse), so this is signaling to me that it’s actually a cultural shift and young boys are becoming more hostile towards women :(
As for the title, why did it have to be gendered in the first place? And why get so defensive about the gendering? We all know everyone of all genders does this shit. That’s not groundbreaking information.
As for the title, why did it have to be gendered in the first place?
Maybe because OP has a lived experience that they’re posting here as a response to.
To echo my initial response to velma in this thread: “I bet you wouldn’t have complained about how gendered it was if it had said ‘big boy words’ instead of ‘big girl words’”.
And to echo what we’re always told when we complain about misandry in the titles of posts: “If you want to complain about misogyny in a thread about the lived experiences of men, why don’t you make your own post about it, and don’t try to hijack others’.”
You’ve got an entire walled community for exactly that in womensstuff, after all.
Lemmings should only talk about misogyny in the women’s only community?
Thanks for your comment.
Seeing consistency across the 2,000 comments you’ve posted in the past few months isn’t “a single comment that hadn’t been dissected yet”.
But I get it - you didn’t get the inital upvotes you were expecting for attacking OP as a misogynist, and don’t want to argue on the back foot for a comment that’s already unpopular, so you’re falling back on “I was totally just asking questions guys!”
I comment about a lot of different topics.
That’s true, and I agree with many/most of them, but my point is that we have more than enough data to interpret the likely meaning of your comments from the ones you’ve posted so far.
And this is without needing to go through your comment history - I started recognizing your name quickly just from your comments like this one on posts on the frontpage.
Women are just as capable of unreasonable demands for mind reading as men are, and something tells me that if the title was “Use your big boy words” you wouldn’t have said anything.
What an interesting and not at all telling crusade you seem invested in.
A complete non sequitur for the audience at large: Does lemmy have a RES equivalent yet to tag users?
It’s equally telling that you think I’m the one on a crusade given the literal hundreds of similar comments I see from velma on /c/all all of the time.
Anyways, as for tags, I don’t know if it’s implemented into the Lemmy website directly, but most third party clients allow it in their settings, and I think there are also browser extensions you can install for it.
Edit: I don’t like to go through people’s comment histories, but since velma has specifically asked me to do so below, I’ll update with a few examples when I can get back to my desktop PC later.
In the meantime, I think anyone else should also feel free to jump in with their own favorite examples.
Edit: I don’t like to go through people’s comment histories, but since velma has specifically asked me to do so below, I’ll update with a few examples when I can get back to my desktop PC later.
In the meantime, I think anyone else should also feel free to jump in with their own favorite examples.
By all means. Sort it by controversial if you’d like.
You’ll find a lot of comments about Graham Platner that way.
the literal hundreds of similar comments I see from velma on /c/all all of the time.
It’s really easy to make claims with no evidence, isn’t it?
I’m so glad you’ve judged me for a comment I didn’t make then.
I’ve seen enough of the comments that you did make to be more than confident of my guess.
You have excellent mind-reading skills /s
Another edit after I responded.
Don’t your comments stand on their own?
For anyone interested, the original comment was:
“I’ve got enough of the comments that you did make to judge you on the ones you don’t.”
and I edited it for style and readability.
I edit my comments like this all the time and will continue to do so as long as it doesn’t change the general meaning/intent. I’m sorry you don’t like it, but then again, I don’t like all of the misandry in your comments and would much rather you edit it out after the fact, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Misandry does not exist the same way misogyny does.
I won’t be editing this one either.
Misogyny being objectively worse than misandry in a wide variety of ways does not excuse you from adding to the misandry that does exist, in this case demonizing OP for a title that clearly wasn’t misogynist and which could easily have been based on their lived experience.
We should be lifting each other up, not fighting about who is dragging each other down harder.
I thought you were avoiding me? Here you are again. Love to see it.
Like I very clearly stated in the other thread, I avoid you except for calling out your misandry bullshit, and this comment is more than close enough to qualify.
In what way is calling out percieved misogyny considered misandry?
Oh you edited your comment after I replied, sneaky.
That wasn’t on purpose. For anyone reading this thread who is interested, the original comment was:
“Something tells me that if the title was “Use your big boy words”, you wouldn’t have commented.”
I edited it less than two minutes after posting, realizing that my response could use more context - I had no way of knowing you’d responded that fast.
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Mhm, I quoted the title.
