• sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    3·
    4 hours ago

    The power move counter to this is you trauma dump before sexy time, and then, if they help you through it, then have the sexy time.

    You’re gonna be naked, bare your body.

    Why not also bare your inner self?

      • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
        2·
        1 hour ago

        … I am a man and I have successfully done this more than once.

        Not like, out of the blue, first date hookup kind of thing. More like… we’ve at least been dating for a few weeks, more like months usually, kind of thing.

        Sometimes, it ends up with just comforting, no sexy time, just … more or less bonding time.

        But, sometimes, it does end up with sexy time.

        If your goal is relating to the other person, growing a relationship with them, not just sex with them… it doesn’t matter.

        Because your tomorrow will include that person.

        • Chaunticleer@lemmy.dbzer0.comOP
          2·
          1 hour ago

          I believe you. There’s some kinds of trauma though that are just inherently more stigmatized by cis-het women. Sure people value our capacity for vulnerability and candor but some societal norms haven’t really seen any progress on that particular end of the spectrum.

          Regarding trauma about male-on-male SA, various addictions, or accusations of sexual misconduct the general public still isn’t really that progressed in it’s ability to handle. They’re not really kinds of trauma that you can dress up in a cool jacket and say “well I’m a better person for having endured it”

  • Souvenir@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    5·
    5 hours ago

    I don’t remember much if at all.

    But I was watching a news piece about Jimmy Savile, and suddenly started crying inconsolably. Even if I watched Jim’ll Fix It as a kid, that’s not a normal reaction.

    It really sucks that you only realise how much childhood trauma has affected you, as you become older. I honestly don’t know what to do with it. Therapy’s too expensive and can be hit and miss.

    I suppose the trick is to keep breathing and remember we’ll all soon be dead and forgotten, so nothing really matters that much anyway.

  • rockerface🇺🇦@lemmy.cafeEnglish
    34·
    13 hours ago

    My childhood trauma is opening up to my parents about anything and then it being used against me. So I think I’m good, thanks.

    • Souvenir@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      2·
      5 hours ago

      And in my experience, this can even be the case with good intentions, where someone talks about you being genuinely upset, frames it badly, and patriarchal bullshit results in you being taken less seriously as a man as a result.

    • DarkSirrush@piefed.caEnglish
      11·
      10 hours ago

      Hearing the mildly traumatic event you told your mom about increase in scale with every phonecall your mom makes that day

    • Souvenir@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      2·
      5 hours ago

      Taking the emotional equivalent of a dump on someone you just shared a romantic/happy moment with is never likely to be productive. There’s a time and a place. Your partner isn’t a free therapist, even if for many men their first girlfriend is likely to be the first person they feel able to be open with.

      But it is a shame that so many people, whether it’s due to patriarchal/sexist values or biology, find male emotional honesty a turn-off and equate male emotional vulnerability with weakness.

      Sunlight is the best disinfectant, someone once said.