You had a nice house and TV in your 20s.
Parent’s house
Still counts
A buddy and me were the first in our circle to get an apartment after college, so we became the meeting place. It wasn’t a party house, we drank beer, and smoked weed, but it was calm and quiet, and the old folks below us never complained. They were frequent visitors, as a matter of fact.
People would start showing up around 8. My buddy and I managed different record stores, and we were into all sorts of music, and we had ALL the latest promo recordings, so usually we had a ball game on the TV with no sound (for our buddy Mark, who loved sports), while we listened to music, smoked, and talked. There were usually a dozen people, guys and girls, all ages, right up to old folks downstairs, sometimes. He’d had a stroke, and he could understand everything, but couldn’t converse, beyond random curse words, which he would deliver with either exasperation or disbelief, which we all thought was hilarious, and so did he and his wife.
At 11:30, we’d watch Johnny Carson’s monologue on the TV, and at midnight wed switch it over to two episodes of Twilight Zone. After that, everybody went home.
That was our ritual about 3-4 nights a week for a couple of years, until everybody started to scatter as they found jobs in different places. We’d go out now and then, but only because we weren’t going to meet any new girls hanging around our apartment. Going out often meant moving the party to someone else’s place for the night.
We couldn’t afford to go out to party much, but we always had a better time at home with our friends, especially since there were no threats of judgemental parents, RAs, etc. Our first real taste of true adult freedom was sweet enough to keep us happy.
plot twist: the “old” folks downstairs were 35.
Excuse you, I’m waiting in videogame lobby as we speak while browsing through Lemmy to pass few seconds as I wait for other players to join. Ohhh, there’s the beep. I must play now.
Wait a minute, you had furniture AND a television that was fairly up to date? What sort of bougie person is this?
This is in their parents’ house.
The sort of person with recently dead (or rich) parents, probably. My brother and I constantly joke that when our mom dies, we’ll just move into her house and live rent free. Because it’s the only way either of us will ever come close to owning real estate.
I feel for the new generation.
Some were born in recession, grew up in covid lockdowns, studying with AI slop, and the the job market is shit. And some losers are trying to create unending wars.
The world is now on hard mode by default.
Came here to say this.
No matter where you live, the people coming into adulthood now don’t get to experience the world we did, and they know it. And what’s worse is the unlikelihood that any of them will ever get elected federally in order to try and actually change it.
“You’ve got to start local, so we can suppress it one at a time.”
Don’t feel too bad. I am old, but I made just about every incorrect decision you can and had a rather dull youth because of it.
I grew up rural (not my fault, but still sucked) in a place I did not fit in. Wrong color. I went to college, but skipped living in a dorm and went straight to apartment. Met nobody, made zero friends in two years. Did meet wife, so that’s good.
Moved to different city, went to commuter college, lived off campus. In final year, started making friends, then moved away. Moved cross country, lived in small town of mostly retired people. Worked in different town. No friends for two more years. Moved to LA. Made some friends, moved again.
Moved to Pennsylvania in suburbs. Bleh.
Lesson is, live around others, don’t move so much. Stay put goddammit and don’t treat friendship as disposable because you know you will move again.
Living many places was kind of fun, but now I’m old and have few friends. The ones I do have all live far away, so I see them maybe every five to ten years.
Pick a place that is good, don’t bail when it’s not perfect and dig in. Maintain friendships.
The world is now on hard mode by default.
That sucks!
I’ll just leave this here
Honestly, just moving into a semi-walkable 120k pop city did wonders for my social life. Its literally just the convenience of being able to just go and socialize on a dime basically whenever.
People moving into suburbia and rural areas are insane. Just asking for mental illness.
Too bad cities don’t come with friends
You’d have ample chances to meet some though. That is basically what I’ve been doing for the past 4 months since moving into my apartment with a surprising amount of success, given how crotchety and autistic I am.
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I’ve lived in 4 of the biggest cities in the world and I’ve just hit 30 and moved rural - smaller cities are best for socialising, but depending on your hobbies rural can be better than big cities. Completely agree that walkability is key, just adding nuance that I don’t agree that cities in general are great like I used to - it can be very hard to live a nice life in a major city
You are going to need to elaborate. Are you saying you choose frequent access to outdoors hobbies rather than socializing or ease of access to a community?
Sure! Big cities can be super isolating, especially if you:
- don’t drink
- don’t enjoy clubbing
- don’t drink coffee
- don’t play or enjoy sports
- live in one of the ‘less desirable’ areas, due to living costs or proximity to work.
Even when some of these weren’t true for me, people who are well established in large cities generally have well established social groups and, although they might be lovely people and very welcoming, aren’t really in the market for proper friendships. Those who are also new to the city like you are very prone to move on themselves within a year or so.
Conversely, people in rural areas are simply desperate for friends. Within 2 months of moving to the country, we had different 2 couples who made it clear they wanted to give being friends a proper go - simply because they are desperate and we seem like we’re on a similar vibe. There’s definitely much less variety in sports, especially high level stuff, but conversely (as you said) we now have much easier access to great hikes/day walks. People here are also significantly more likely to be interested in gardening, pickling, jam making, bread making - all the self-sufficiency stuff. Much less of a “grindset” which can be super exhausting. Oh! People in rural areas also seem to be more likely to like board games, which my partner loves.
Don’t get me wrong, I love big cities - the amazing food, the great public transport (I LOATHE driving), the culture and events. Everything has pros and cons though.
Rural area can be walkable as well.
I’m living in a village (~1500 people), we have one car for 3 adults and the car is used maybe once a week on average.
Everything else is done walking or biking. Walking the kids to school taking a path along a steam of water, there is several bar and restaurants in the village center, a bakery, a small grocery shop, a local producers shop, a market, barber … I’m working remotely and I have a coworking space in the village as well.
The streets are always busy and everyone say hi to each other.
We just need to have less car centric spaces.
Love this. Where is this? I’m trying to convince local people that we can develop less car-centric spaces in rural areas and I’d love more examples to use
I’m in France.
Euro-rural just hits different.
American rural is usually something like “5 pioneer families started farms along a dirt road here 100 years ago, but the market on corn bottomed out and they mostly sold their plots to housing developers or speculators, and whoever didn’t move out either works at the gas station or in the city an hour and a half away to support the drug habits of the ones that couldn’t find work”.
Villages can be ok. It still fundamentally limits you to the median type of person though, and I’m pretty strange and picky, I need big numbers so I can find my people.
Walkable city of any size, really. The show in the picture takes place in NYC which is huge but great for getting around without a car, so you can get drunk and have fun. Of course you probably won’t be walking from Queens to Manhattan, but you can take the subway at least
Most of my 20s took place in a very walkable city of 90k and at some point I lived next to my favourite bar. I didn’t spend much time at home.
I wish I had that in my 20’s. I’m trying to salvage things in my late 30’s.
Between rent, school loan, car payments and groceries I was pretty much tapped out. Pulling 60hr weeks I didn’t have social time even if I wanted to.
20 years later I never made new friends but at least I’m working a normal 40hrs. Still paying all the same bills and still no time. But I do see the same parents at all the kids activities. That’s close enough, right?
I do see the same parents at all the kids activities. That’s close enough, right?
that’s pretty much how my parents socialized, so…
Agreed. Just depressing how the moment your kid moves up to a better or different team and poof, your “social network” is gone and needs to be replaced.
yeah. the trick is, finding the parents in the groups that you are actually real friends with. not just acquaintences. having a small regular gatherings with those close friends, the ones you want to keep in touch with. it takes more work, but it is worth it.
this is advice coming from the outside so take it with a grain of salt. it’s like, hey, shit shoveler. shovel more shit. you have too much to do already.
Yeah I think we all get the concept. The issue comes down to time and resources. My “free time” starts around 1AM after all my adulting responsabilities are done. At that point a movie or a book and sleep is all I have time for. Next week is a mild week with 5 days of kids activities, 2 birthday parties, and hopefully finding time to mow the lawn.
yeah, my wife and i don’t have kids and even we are going on dates buying groceries. i don’t know how y’all get it done.
Instead of drowning, you learn to hold your breath. Doesn’t mean it is fun, just keeps you alive.
These kinds of experiences aren’t only in cities, but they do become a lot easier if you’re not living in a cow pasture.
Living in cities brings other challenges. It means there are too many people, so everyone just kind of keeps to themselves.
This person has citied
What I miss most about the city (D.C.) is how easy and natural socializing was, but I know it’s possible for it to suck there, too. So far, my rural experiences are generally much lonelier, but not without their own charms. But nights out at cool bars or hosting all my cool coworkers at my cool apartment haven’t been nearly as feasible for me in those more rural contexts. (Yet?)
How I Met Your Mother is so interesting to me because the best parts about it stem from the fact that it’s characters are all horrible people. Yet the writer’s clearly don’t realise this very obvious fact about their own show.
Also, it wholly erased it’s own place in the culture by having an absolutely trash final season.
It’s also deeply, libidinally, transphobic. Like, holy shit it’s so bad
Any show made pre-2008 is going to have a different vibe culturally.
Still a good show, even if it’s not for your tender palate.
You say words then don’t back up your words with facts.
The best parts about the show is that people with clearly different values and personalities can still be friends. But i guess it hits differently for echo chambers.
Indeed.
And it makes fun of normal-ass white people way more than it makes fun of queer people, but some people honestly believe that they deserve to be free from all offense unironically. Which is weird.
It’s been a while since I’ve watched the show, why are Robin and Marshall horrible?
I spent my 20s in college and LAN parties. Try them… it’s a blast!
I don’t think land parties have been a thing for a long time
Sure older people will do them but that is out of nostalga for what was
and here you can see the electric meter for the house.
Where’d you get that picture of me and the boys?!
Can’t try college right now, but LAN parties are legit! I hope somewhere they’re still a thing…
They were usually just friend groups who took their entire computers over to someones house.
Think sleepover but you also bring a box of electronics
They still can be!
Casual multiplayer games are really seeing a resurgence lately and I couldn’t be happier!
RV There Yet, Peak, Sledding Game, Lovers in a Dangerous Spacetime, A Gentlemen’s Dispute, are just a few!
Privileged boomer right here
No war but class war. I will defend my Gen X brothers and sisters to the end.
for having the privilege to sit on your asses and do jack shit and then sitting on your asses and doing jack shit? bravo gen x. bravo. is that what you wanted?
I’m a millenial. I don’t need your approval and never asked for it.
You’re the one stuck on generational infighting.
If you want to reduce intergenerational conflict, it helps to acknowledge the pain and how society has failed the less privileged.
As a millenial, you likely had a fairly normal childhood, a privelege many GenZ did not, due to COVID.
Obviously this isn’t your fault, and older generations have privelege you don’t have. If we want to advance class interests we need to be intersectional, and acknowledge the unique problems that affect some groups more than others.
I agree. The unfortunate thing is that many young people online are so vitriolic toward those older than them it is hard to make that connection. Case in point the person above attacking someone for what seemed like no reason.
uh, I think MTV was a generation or two after boomers?
I was born in 1973, bitch. I’m no boomer.
You got a channel that actually had music in it :)
If it quacks like boomer and smells like boomer…
GenX is called boomer-lite these days
Yeah, in the generational war, it’s always about shifting the blame to the other generation.
Boomer is about the old looking on the young as lazy, bad with money etc. while having the whole pie in their mouth.
You mean you own a house? Wow man congrats!
And he has time to watch TV.
I would not have guessed I would have quit drinking in my 20s, pretty sound financial decision.
I drink, but I’m single and childless, so that covers a lot of financial positivity.
As someone who did live like image 1 in late 20s and early 30s, it sucks so much when you have to go back to image 2.
Maybe better not to experience it at all.
Same, I’m 42 and went out every weekend with friends for a good 5-6 years from like 21-27. You could actually afford to do that back then.
It’s not too late to change your ways.
You’re seeing the consequences of young people growing up during COVID. It is very, very difficult to unlearn what we were socialized for in our youth.
For most people who experience this, it literally is too late to change their ways. It’s possible but requires extreme effort and likely years of therapy.
There’s no amount of well meaning aphorisms older generations can pull out to make this better. It is a public mental health crisis and needs to be treated as such, not treated as individual failure.
I think the biggest issue is that we have shifted culturally. People still need social connection but from a cultural perspective it is less appropriate to be social.
I think change is easier than people think as it is just a matter of forcing yourself to break cultural norms.
That would require friends, which is a factor beyond my control…
Not 100% under your control, but certainly not “beyond control”
I can’t control other people. Other people can choose to not be my friend, to not invite me anywhere, to not talk to me, to leave whenever I show up.
No, having friends is something beyond my control.
Honesty just be
The best way to meet people is to talk to random strangers you happen to see once and a while
Having specific friends maybe, but get out there and you’re guaranteed to find someone who’s on your sine.
Oh sure, lemme just pull out all this disposable income and time I have for drinks, cab fair. Yea its definitely within budget to spend $50 round trip traveling + $50 buying rounds + $30 food + etc etc etc.
For sure I can do that 3-4 times a week to be social. That’s only like ~$500 a week. Or ya know what, maybe we just cut down to like twice a week, thats only $1k a month. Who cant afford that, right?
Ya know what, maybe we just need to cut some costs. Hmmm cab fair is expensive, let’s just drive! That’s easier anyways, let’s get drunk and drive a couple days a week because we cant afford to be responsible AND sociable…
EDIT: actually, know what, I thought up another way to save some money. Lets save some money on food. We can’t afford to be eating out all the time anyways. So yea, lets go out, drink on an empty stomach and drive home. Making some changes! Making friends! Going out and being social!
You could just go to the park or some other free venue
The issue is getting others to do the same
Drive to each others places and don’t drink. You don’t need alcohol to have a good time with friends. Hang out online. Meet people who live in walking distance.
None of these options is perfect; we’d rather be able to meet exactly whom we want, and do exactly what we want when together. But the topic is socialising, not socialising in exactly the way we prefer.
Most of my friends don’t live in the same city as me, so it’s not easy for me either. But by one method and another I still have social contact.
Sounds like a very car centric lifestyle. I moved to a bike friendly city and my outings cost much less. A six pack of beer from the store will last me two nights out. A night out might be biking to a friend’s place for board game night or doing a group bike ride with stops on the way. Night out costs like 5usd. Granted, that’s not the only socializing I do, but in the summer especially I bike or walk 99% of the time.
What’s your monthly streaming bill? (Hoping you say $0 because YAAARRRRR!)
I’m not trying to presuppose everyone’s lives or say they have to be a certain way. But we can do things to be with people that doesn’t cost money or even involve drinking. I realize that I live in a very walkable, highly mass-transit-friendly, extremely accessible city. BUT, spending time with friends, playing games, riding a bike, walking, etc., are all ways to stop streaming and make changes.
I get it. You’re trying to unseat my statement as insensitive to your plight. I meant it in good faith, though. There was a time before smart phones and limitless streaming. We hung out, we played music, we read books, we drew, we painted, we lived. We can still do it.
It’s hard. I’m trying. I try to draw every day. I spend time writing for a D&D game I DM for. I write music and try to get through the dumb darkness we’re living in. Streaming comes at the end of the night when I am going to bed.
Good luck. I wish more social life and socialism for everyone. :)
There’s places to live where you don’t have to drive. Your attitude suggests that will not happen where you live within your lifetime.
I’m not sure if you have the ability to move, but it could cut down on transportation costs for going out. It would probably save money on daily commutes as well.
Ah yes, “just move” man, I wonder why people didn’t think of that? It’s so simple!
I get what you’re saying, but it’s the equivalent of telling a depressed person “have you tried being happy?”.
I did everything I could to not say “just move” while still giving it as an option.
What I was trying to say is that there are more options than owning a car. Find other means of transit. Vote for other means of transit.
If you are stuck, I am sorry.
As an external observer to this conversation, you’re not reading taking part in good faith. Try to understand the intention of their replies.
Just move to Europe. /s
But seriously, it’s crazy to think that people can’t afford to go out because of transportation costs. When I was in my 20 I would just walk to the city center or take a tram, drink $1 beers and go back home in a bus. Now I take $2 train. It’s so sad that Americans built their shitty system on purpose.
No you can totally still do these kinds of things in cities in the US. You just have to sacrifice other things like space, car, etc and a lot of people that grew up in suburbs aren’t willing to do that.
You can save money on food if you steal it and save money on alcohol if you steal it and drink somewhere you’re not allowed to be instead of a bar and have a designated driver or use a bustrain which is just lots of busses hitched together but usually only like two anyway maybe learn something from queer culture this is why the second half of being gay is doing crimes it just seems like all your socializing is investing in conspicuous consumption stuff and you can just not 9r even get together with your friends to like build stuff or whatever I promise there’s options
What?
Tldr be gay do crimes
This is why trains are awesome.
Bro ur justifying being anti social to urself. Go out once a week with a group of friends get fucked up blow a couple hundred bucks its fine.
Or have a beer or two over the course of 5 hours as you chat with people then double check you’ve sobered up and drive home. The idea that one has to get hammered to go to a bar is crazy.
Hell I used to go to nights out at a board game bar, got a veggie burger, a glass of mead or a cocktail, played for a few hours, then drove home fine, for like $60 between the wife and I. Only stopped because I moved away.
Veggie burger oof that tells me everything I need to know.
That I don’t eat meat? It was an excellent veggie burger, and my wife quite liked their meaty options.
