The most lesbian thing I have seen today.
me_irl
…she even…she even opened
Only used one word sentences though.
It is bumble. She has to start.
They changed that. Now no one texts ever.
It is from 2023. I don’t know when they changed what. But the last time I used it, women had to start the conversation but they could set a question to ask automatically, skipping the first message
Bumble was like “what a cool idea, I wonder why no one has done this before” and then they found out why
The fundamental issue here is that they call this dating when it’s something else entirely. They should have made a new name for it when it became like sifting through resumes.
courting phase
I don’t think anyone calls this dating? It’s the filter to figure out if you want to date
Dating apps
Online dating
But I agree that it’s more of a way to meet people to date, not actual dating
Tbf she made zero effort to converse with OOP either
This is the bumble experience lol. The man still has to do the real first message because the woman’s first message is going to be “hey” 99% of the time.
As a man I also sent just hi to everyone. Reasoning behind that was that if there is any interest, they would reply with something. Like a ping. When we’d get to know better I could be more personal. Found a great partner this way, we’ve been together for 5 years now.
tyyy
cool hair
Perfect match!
That guy is a keeper! Lock him down and he’ll be loyal for life! He doesn’t even know how to talk to other women!!
Makes family dinners with his own mom really awkward though.
To whoever said that (or anyone who DON’T talk to people when trying to date): have you tried improv? Improv comedy would help you talk to people better, and would probably give you the confidence and courage
I’ve played dungeons and dragons a lot. Does that count?
I put on my wizards hat
Edit: God, I realized that the joke I referenced is so old and niche by now in internet culture I have to provide a link: https://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/bloodninja
There is a new bash.org here:
Certainly, but it works better when you are the DM rather than a player.
If it’s any consolation many of us are old fogeys (from an internet perspective), and likely understood it immediately. I know I did!
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So if a person struggles with confidence your solution is for them to stand up on stage? There seems to be an important first step that seems to have been skipped.
You’ve gotta take the first step yourself, no one can do that for you.
Or don’t. Be a shutin. Fear the mailman. Die a virgin. I’m not your boss.
The first steps are the part they have difficulty with.
It is like asking help with addition and subtraction, and giving info on how to do matrices and arithmetic.
Improv doesn’t have to be on a stage.
To practice improv is just to practice social skills. And, I don’t know how else to say this, a lack of social skill is the fundamental root problem here. Anyone who lacks confidence in this way is going to have to learn them one way or another.
A real first step might be learning to be brave and charging through one’s anxiety to get to the improv center, but they have to go. Whether it’s improv or something else, they have to go.
You find a class or a club, not an open mic.
I suggest reading the link about improv
Had a couple of lady friends who went on vacation to Europe - Spain and France, specifically - and had totally different experiences on the dating apps. Men were open and friendly, knew how to hold up a conversation (in non-native languages!), showed politeness, responded quickly, made first contact easy and low-anxiety, looked good, smelled nice, knew how to dance, charmed the panties right off them both, and then kept in contact afterwards. Like, even after they flew back home, these guys were still saying “Hey, what’s up, here’s something cool happening in my neighborhood can’t wait to see you again”.
Just a radically different experience than the American dating scene. One friend straight up swore off American men entirely. She’s booking a flight back to France for a three month go - working remote, learning the language, the whole thing - because of how blown away by the healthier and happier social conditions over there.
Yeah but that’s not dating that’s a hookup. Completely different ball game. Much easier to maintain a facade for a couple of days when both parties know that there is no potential for relationship.
Actual dating requires you to maintain for the long haul.
Imagine making a radical life change based on a dating app hookup
Once you go France
others don’t stand a chance
Prepare for a changed experience. europe is hating the USA and US americans more and more every day. I get the ick when i hear americans on the street. Gtfo and kill trump.
This is bad and you should actively attack these feelings. The majority of us despise this guy.
The majority of you didn’t prevent this guy from leading your country, so sorry if we aren’t impressed.
Unfortunately the way the US “democracy” works he didn’t need a majority, and still doesn’t have one.
Lowest approval rating of all time.
Tourist hunters. They know the game. They aren’t the norm.
It’s a two way street. Some people need to go to some completely different place to relax enough, and some other people bet on tourists being relaxed enough.
I even remember that kind of effect from school, during school time I would always get into fights with kids that I was happily hanging around with in the holidays.
It’s sad things like this that make me think, it’s too bad church is all fucked up with religion. Because “Entire families, plus any single individuals, get washed and dressed up, then join under the stained-glass windows to sit and stand and sing and go through the motions, while all the eligible sweeties pretend they’re not checking out all the other eligible sweeties, and have a whole hour to think of something to say to them over the coffee and cookies afterwards. Repeat weekly” is pretty much how a lot of people found partners for generations. Especially those whose families couldn’t afford ballrooms and country clubs.
I’d probably be open to the concept of a secular church. Not for dating, but just for platonic socialization and community.
I actually found one in my neighborhood! It is called “Unitarian Universalist”, it is for secular and religious, everybody is welcome, you just have to agree to love each other, etc.
i just don’t like how it keeps so many trappings of traditional protestant church services, i mean i know why to attract more people since that is the dominant cultural force but just doesn’t sit right with me to ruminate over the bible and pretend it is some enlightened tome of truth in a supposedly secular context
I think there are some Unitarian Universalist churches that are secular
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism?useskin=vector#Beliefs_and_practices
Unitarian Universalist churches exist, but things like community centers are probably more what you’re looking for.
There are of course things like hobby clubs you can join but you have to get lucky with those. There risk that you will just be distracted and end up with an expensive hobby.
so a college?
cries in engineering
There are no women, no natural light, and if you’re lucky, someone other than the prof has showered today.
I am exaggerating, but not by much (:
Do what I did. Take psych for your social sciences. There were like three women for every man. Do not regret.
No. College is: expensive, heavily skews young, has a lot of homework, has tests, and generally represents a significant time commitment.
Realistically, I should probably put more effort into finding a suitable recurring volunteer opportunity. Something that is based on personal values would presumably help with finding like-minded people while also engaging in an activity that is inherently meaningful to me.
The apps are literally designed to keep you single
Worked just fine for me.
Feel free to ask for advice or whatever.
While yes, that is the case, I cannot help but feel it’s not the app’s fault this time
The Algorithm used to match people isn’t designed to encourage healthy and normal conversations. It’s designed to encourage people to spend more time on the apps (and, eventually, more money).
While yes, that is the case, I cannot help but feel it’s not the app’s fault this time
I used to think this. Then I went on some dates, I made connections, etc.
But only once I started paying. The apps are built to maximize profit.
Hinge > Boo > Tinder > Bumble.
Most apps are owned by like 2 companies really
Yeah and they all suck as a result.
I keep meaning to have a proper look into it and see if there are any actual dating site / apps that are independent. It’s a massive pain because usually you can’t really tell if an app is going to be any good or if it’s just another clone until after you’ve already signed up. It’s quite the time investment.
Yea most of them suck
I tried Lovetastic and liked the fact that they don’t use pictures and it’s mostly based on text
They don’t seem to have advanced algorithms that are here to fuck you
But hey, I met my SO on a relatively niche but non ethical dating app. It was filed with ads and badly optimized but I figured out the algorithm wouldn’t be all ELO type of shit, and it worked after some time
This is exactly how it works - I became single after 13 years and so had no previous experience with dating apps, so I decided to go all in and get one month’s subscription to Hinge, Bumble and Grindr. Before the end of the month I was concurrently dating five people (four women and one man) as a bi man in his thirties. Shit was pretty cash.
A lot of people asked me why I was so successful and I told them it’s because I paid for the subscriptions. For what ended up amounting to around $100AUD I got to date a bunch of people, had some great dates and great sex, and one of those five people is now my long term partner with whom I’m living. She was one of the ‘top recommended’ people on Hinge and the algorithm really got it right!
YMMV but paying for the apps actually provides quite a good service.
I think people’s biggest fear with paying for the apps is that they’ll end up in a situation where they are just throwing good money after bad and not getting anything for it. Then you get into the sunk cost fallacy and it’s really difficult to get yourself out of that headspace.
The problem is the apps say that they have recommendations that you only have to pay to unlock but I don’t believe them.
Ok well, I haven’t had that kind of success. But success none the less.
She clearly doesn’t know how to talk to men either.
If all you text is “hey” to a woman as a first message, you can be sure 99.9% percent of them won’t even respond.
At least he tried and gave her a compliment.
YoU hAvE tO rEaD bEtWeEn tHe LiNeS Or sOmE sHiT - her probably
It’s literally a first contact. These apps are exhausting and texting requires effort from both parties.
Women are people so you talk to them how you would talk to another person
Talking to women and talking to women you want to date are slightly different things tbh. The latter doesn’t necessarily come naturally for all.
And online, it gets even harder oftentimes. Creating a captivating conversation out of an empty bio, two generic photos and a name? That’s still damn difficult for me and I’ve been on tinder for like 4 years out of the last 8. Obviously it’s easier if the conversational partner throws you a bone. OOP didn’t exactly have a great opener to begin with and then was given a “tyyy”. Try riffing on that. Good luck. I can see why OOP gave up on the conversation.
Online “dating” sucks. I’m sure women have their own reasons why it sucks (safety in particular), but for men it sucks because generally speaking, you’re expected to prove yourself as an interesting conversational partner within 2-3 messages. Even on Bumble it’s the same, as seen in the screenshot. Women have to write first there, but usually it’s just “hi” or an emoji.
So I also don’t know how to talk to women. I have female friends. I’m not an incel, I’ve had a couple of long-term relationships and some, eh, situationships I guess? Even some with people I met on dating apps. Meet me in person? We’re staying awake talking until 5 AM. Actually give me something to riff about in your bio or at least reply to me with more than one word? We’re at the very least going to have a fun conversation, maybe meet in real life. But give me an empty bio and one word replies? I’m sorry, but I just don’t know how to talk to you.
I did, end result was someone actually contacts me for a date, but I just…don’t feel anything, so I just end up talking to hear her life story, and nothing actually happens.
I will be single for life 🥲
But that’s ok! I don’t want to drag anyone into a relationship with a miserable person who does not want to live anyway (hence, relationships are last place).
I’m feeling like a lot of people relate to this these days unfortunately
Ok but like. Dating and flirting talk is different from normal talk. More giggly, more vibes. Some people can’t do that for shit
There’s a lot of women who can’t do that either. It’s not a movie and a lot of us have the same executive functioning disorders that make this confusing. I think people need to find someone who connects with them so pretending to be someone else is a bad strategy
I think people need to find someone who connects with them
I get very connected to the randos on grindr.
That’s almost impossible to do over text.
Almost.
So I talk to them how I talk to my friends with a lot more enthusiastism.
That ends up where I start just turning into an essay writer and I have overwhelmed at 6 in the past year.
So maybe not normal talk either.
I’m so bad at flirting over text. I can do it irl somewhat once the first bit of convo gets jumpstarted but mannn dating apps kill me. I get far more people down to hang in person than ever from a dating app.
“I took a mad shit today, it smelt acidic bro, even after I flushed, it stuck to the side of the bowel. I used my kegel muscles to piss at Mach 10 speed, but all it really did it spray a bit of piss on the toilet seat. So anyway how you doing, are you free to catch up for a coffee?”
I’m sure there’s someone out there for you but generally unfiltered honesty increases after a relationship has been established. You probably wouldn’t start a conversation with this when meeting anyone new but if you would I’m sure someone like that is out there there’s a lot of weirdos out there
this explains so much about my life and my oddly shaped churo penis.
Care to elaborate over a coffee?
sure, churos taste great with good coffee.
I don’t know how to talk to another person either.
Dont worry, here on the internet everyone is a dog using the humans internet whole they are gone to work.
Yall are dogs to, right?
ARF.
That’s fair
You may entice a woman with a piece of cheese. If she accepts you may then ask her to wed you.
Entice? I thought it was fascinate.
Entice, fascinate, obsess, worship, become.
The degree varies between women.
Cheddar? I hardly know her!
What kind of cheese are women in my area attracted to?
Dubliner Irish cheese
Kraft singles in your area, I imagine.
Gouda is a safe bet.
Esp. If swiss
Even funnier with the timestamps
9/11 of a conversation
The issue isn’t talking to women. The issue is talking to people you are attracted to.
I’m bi but I’m not attracted everyone. And I can tell you it takes a lot more from me to talk to someone I’m attracted to and I don’t think I could easily just be normal friends with someone I badly want to fuck and just have normal conversations with them.
